I haven't posted in awhile. That's because I don't think anyone is reading.
I'm feeling very down today. I am very lonely. It doesn't feel hopeless, I'm just very sad. The good thing about this is I know that, logically, I will bounce back. Always. But it's hard to remember that in more than words sometimes. Yesterday I was very high, then very low. And I think I discovered two new triggers: meeting lots of new people at once and arguing. It's a little like 'The Mask' with Jim Carey, the best way to show off how awesome i am / win the argument is to work myself up into such a state of excitement that the chemicals in my brain explode into hypomania and I no longer have complete control.
When I get in a state like this, I'm not completely out of control, but my behaviors are erratic. When I'm up, I am very loud, very honest and I make lots of people laugh. I'm very much the life of the party, the winner of the arguments. But after some consideration, I've realized that i'm not funny, I'm just so bitchy and honest that people think I'm kidding. I end up offending a lot of people as well. :/
When I'm up, my biggest behavioral issues are radical honesty and I can't see the future consequences of my actions. It's a problem, but I'm working on it.
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