Yesterday was a bad day. I lost my meds over the weekend and then just decided to stop taking them after I found them because I felt so good. But last night I crashed so hard. I haven't felt that Terrible in a very long time. Experiences like that make me remember why I wanted to kill myself before. The worst part was the utter hopelessness. :(
I took my meds this morning, and I feel better, but not okay yet. You should know, I'm self-medicating with 5HTP and my birth control. It helps, but it's got pros and cons.
Today a friend asked me to explicable my mood swings and here is the text I sent:
"Yeah. There's two basic states: depression and hypomania. Hypomania "below mania" is a lot like being inspired. It's kind of like being in overdrive, all the time. It makes me very honest, very hyper and excited about the world. Of you've ever seen me argue anything passionately, it's a little like that. I can't see consequences and it feels like I'm too awesome to do menial tasks like sleep or homework. Depression comes in 2 flavors: numb and sad. The meds help me keep a grip on reality. Without them, it was always like looking through a foggy glass window. These states feel very permanent and physically can't remember what it's like to feel the other way"
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